Mistress Maeve: Your guide to love and lust...
College girl here with a serious problem that I don’t know how to handle. Last night I got really drunk and woke up next to my good friend wearing only my underwear (he was in his boxers). Don’t worry, I’m 21, so you’re not answering a letter from an underage drinker. I don’t think we had sex, but I can’t be sure that we didn’t mess around. At the very least, I’m worried that he has feelings for me and will think that my sleeping over indicates that I am into him. How do I ask him if anything happened without hurting his feelings, or our friendship?
First of all, you’re lucky you woke up next to a friend. If you’re drinking enough to black out, something much worse could have happened. If you’re afraid you might have a problem with alcohol, or if you feel peer-pressured to party, I urge you to talk with a family member or someone at your campus counseling office.
Regarding your friend, it’s time to check in. Tell him you had too much to drink and need him to clarify how you ended up in your underpants. It’s less about hurting his feelings and more about taking care of yourself. If you had sex, it’s important to know whether you used protection. If he confirms that you had intercourse without a condom — or fooled around in any fashion — it’s time for a trip to the health center or your local Planned Parenthood for a checkup (ppnne.org).
If your buddy is offended that you don’t remember an intimate encounter, all you can do is apologize and be honest with him about your feelings — but you need to address what happened. I can’t stress enough that your safety depends upon being in control of your faculties. Count your lucky stars that you ended up in bed with someone you trust, and take steps to ensure you don’t get black-out drunk again.